I am spending my child support on dildos
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry my hands just texted you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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