Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
