i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
