there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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