I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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