I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
