I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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