why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
