8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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