Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you had me at cake vodka
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
