Having a random hookup so left but love u
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
