remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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