She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
