my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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