I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
