Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wanna go halves on a baby?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
