what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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