dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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