So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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