roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
