yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how does that bad decision feel?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
