Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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