i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
