Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Say something about gay babies.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
