I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
