We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
