ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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