I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
