bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
