It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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