but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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