Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
