What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
