i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize