false alarm. still invincible.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
