her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
