How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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