he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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