I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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