Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
