You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
