Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
