I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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