why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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