I need help removing her.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
