There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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