I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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