well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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