just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
