I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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