for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
