Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
