i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
