Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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