Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
