i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
