I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
