I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
