And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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