Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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