it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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