she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
