i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
