Cold hands, warm shart.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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