I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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