It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
